Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
