I'm passing your future prison.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
