so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
