the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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