you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
