it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
