I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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