yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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