Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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