i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
