Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
