I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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