So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
