I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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