$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
People in love make me want to vomit
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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