sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
