my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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