Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
