how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
