apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
