The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
