just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
