I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
NoShamevember. You game?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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