Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
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She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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My penis needs a shock collar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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