So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
