i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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