O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
