just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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