I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
