No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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