I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
