Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
