I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
