tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
