remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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