Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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