the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
