omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
