I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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