oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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