I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
