Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
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Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
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