Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!