It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.