I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.