Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level