My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.