I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win