3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect