i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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