She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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