Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
