I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
