she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
