don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
