she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
