So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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