Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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