Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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