NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
