If i come over, it means nothing
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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