do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
