meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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