I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
