he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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