he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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