hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
