i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
