2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
