I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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