so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
