Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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