so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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