You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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