So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
