dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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