Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
