that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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