pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Too much gin, very little bucket
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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